so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
