I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
