I think I died a long time ago.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
