if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
