I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
