I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
