I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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