Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize