I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
