there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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