I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
