remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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