pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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