You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
