If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
