I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
as a side note pls kill me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
