we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
