Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
