im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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