She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
