i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize