Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
