sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
