Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize