My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
