Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
