Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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