We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
