he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My ass is underappreciated
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
