The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
