Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
