when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
