it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
