I think I am morally bankrupt
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
