shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
