So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize