just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
