The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
