Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
