I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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