And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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