i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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