I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
