Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
