when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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