Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
