dude i'm inner monologue high
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You need Xanax blowdarts
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
