i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
