I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize