i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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