I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
