oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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