I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
