my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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