Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
