I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
