i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
