I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need to calm my uterus...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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