youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
