in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
