i permit you to call me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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