I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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