I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
