why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
