fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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