All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
