Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
