New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
