glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
