I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
