You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
