I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
