peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
