11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm just crazy horny about you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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