while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Drake has all the answers
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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