Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
