I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
