we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
