I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
