When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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