They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
