Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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