If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize