Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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