I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
