I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
