is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I looked at my own cervix.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize