it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
