Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize