For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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