i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Randomize
