i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
