There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You ruined the universe
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
