is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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