GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
