Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
