Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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