MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
